don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
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