Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
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