What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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