Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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