Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i will never coherently bang her
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
