closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
