just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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