Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
