With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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