babies were throwing up all over the place
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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