I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
She bit a glass in half.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
