I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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