haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
