Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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