you turned your livingroom into a bong?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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