My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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