My hand turned me down
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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