Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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