my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
