I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
