One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
