hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
How does it feel to date your dad?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
