My underwear smells like fireworks.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
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