If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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