i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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