you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
