u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize