i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
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