Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
