yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
