You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
