The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
