when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
