thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
