I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
