Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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