do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
