Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
