turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
