is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
