Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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