Hey man sorry I got all grabby
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
