i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize