I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Randomize