Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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