All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
