if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
