O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
