do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
