Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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