Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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