that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
