I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
