New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
ugly people sure do ruin things
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
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