I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
