I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
