I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize