Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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