I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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