My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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