So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
