He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
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