The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Randomize
