If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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