I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
