I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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