Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
