whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
