Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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