I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
