Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
